Drifting

Drifting 18-235z

Fragments float easily
bobbing on the surface

Caught in undercurrent
pulled below by murky flow

Stuck in mental snags
trauma's force holds

Bobbing again
sputtering breaths

Ravenously feed lungs
alive, finally free

Drifting again

Bolting Dreans

Bolting Dreams (18-198A)

Dream paints jumbled picture
Picasso like distortions of past and present
Place of past trauma imposed in present
trying to abuse another planting the trauma deeper

Bolt awake full of anxiety
realizing it's just a dream
Angry that would dream of such places
projecting onto another abuse they never caused

What does it mean
what can I do
How do I take responsibility
how do I forgive and set free

Haunting of past imposed on today
attack in the sleep, break the attachment
Break the power of generation cycle
God's love is real

Faithful

Faithful (18-208B)

Freeze and thaw
breaking the mind
Smooth words seep
into fractured places

Bitter ale
becomes sweet
Slowly poising heart
one day at a time

Trauma clouds vision
blind to truth of moment
Shatters identity
new normal

Awake abruptly
from living nightmare
Hope's spark
freedom painfully comes

Responsibility for responses
humbly admit harm caused
How response damaged
most precious relationship

In trauma's wake
healing fragmented self
Healing harmed relationships
grace encountered

Journey of years
seeking help
Finally experiencing fruit
beauty of redemption story

Through it all discover
depth of Father's love
His mercy and kindness
overwhelm me

He never forsook me
He walked with me
In midst of brokenness
He comforted me

Pen Went Dark

Pen Went Dark 18-158y

In perusing pages

sadness wells up

Old journals recall

pain and despair

Remembering the depth

darkness swallowing

Pen goes quiet

for three years

Writing became a vortex

inducing cycle of suffering

Sucking all light

stealing life

To heal required

surrendering pen

Not knowing if

ever would write again

So many parts died

parts still waiting

For restoration

as ink flows again

Note: This is about a season of the dark night of the soul six years ago. Had to lay writing down for three years. Hard to willingly do for someone who loves to write.

Letting Go

Letting Go

In the corner

of the mind

Where younger

self hides

Time to come

out in the light

A victim

no more

Times and seasons

change ushering in

Healing and redemption

as forgiveness flows

Time to mend

So far in the past

No longer who I was

They no longer who they were

Safe in the now

adult self can

Nurture broken young self

where loving kindness changes everything

Just one touch

shattered the child

A suddenly of God

with one touch all is changed

Put away the suffering

reliving the trauma

Winter to Spring

new life emerges in soul

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet. (17-202C)