Bolting Dreans

Bolting Dreams (18-198A)

Dream paints jumbled picture
Picasso like distortions of past and present
Place of past trauma imposed in present
trying to abuse another planting the trauma deeper

Bolt awake full of anxiety
realizing it's just a dream
Angry that would dream of such places
projecting onto another abuse they never caused

What does it mean
what can I do
How do I take responsibility
how do I forgive and set free

Haunting of past imposed on today
attack in the sleep, break the attachment
Break the power of generation cycle
God's love is real

Pen Went Dark

Pen Went Dark 18-158y

In perusing pages

sadness wells up

Old journals recall

pain and despair

Remembering the depth

darkness swallowing

Pen goes quiet

for three years

Writing became a vortex

inducing cycle of suffering

Sucking all light

stealing life

To heal required

surrendering pen

Not knowing if

ever would write again

So many parts died

parts still waiting

For restoration

as ink flows again

Note: This is about a season of the dark night of the soul six years ago. Had to lay writing down for three years. Hard to willingly do for someone who loves to write.

Loose Cannon

                    Loose Cannon

Term "loose cannon" floating in my mind as wake.
A loose cannon on an old warship (sailing ship) could wreck it.
A cannon broke loose, always when in rough seas wreaking havoc.
Hurting or killing the very ones who use it, hindering the ships created purpose.

At times we can be "loose cannons."
Abusive people are "loose cannons."
I can be a "loose cannon" - to myself and others.
Loose cannon in soul, damages and destroys self and relationships with others.

Words, anger, fear, shame, broke free in storms of life - "loose cannons."
People run for their lives away from "loose cannons."
A couragous few must anchor the "loose cannon" back to the deck.
Nimble, wise, seasoned, skilled, patient, disciplined shipmates secure the "loose cannon" and make the ship safe.
"Loose cannon" safe and secure.
Crew safe and secure.
Ship safe and secure.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Maturity

                        Maturity

Resistance, internal core incongruent.
Mismatch, out of sync causing personal soul, mind, body, emotional, spirit dissonance.
Wrestling with alignment and belief.

Words I say matter.
How I treat others matters.
Apologizing matters.
Taking responsibility for what I've said and done matters.

Maturity demonstrated by actions.
Cleaning up mess made matters - humbling.
Admitting and asking for help matters.
Being truthful matters.
Hard, internal work for change.
All takes time, no "magic wand" - facing Truth and work.

Reflected in mirror of others.
DARVO, perpatrator-victim cycles.
Requires more than just forgiveness.
Requires internal work, revisiting suffering and trauma hidden.
Suffering and trauma caused by people - God uses people to bring healing to those broken places.

Maturity chooses to include safe people in process.
Maturity requires dealing with my interpetations and offenses.
Maturity is healthy growth over time - no quick fixes.
Maturity is about how I respond internally - exposes pride, control, fear, shame, abusiveness.

Maturity is saying I apologize for hurting you in ______ ways.
Maturity is saying you didn't deserve the way I acted, behaved, or treated you - specific!
Maturity says this is what I am doing to not do this again - specific.
Maturity says to one I hurt, you are valuable and worth more than how I behaved and words ______(specific) I said.
Maturity, seeing the harm I caused in and to another AND BEING different.
Maturity, asking how did I hurt you? - not making excuses or justifying behavior.
Maturity, a journey can't travel alone.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of Scotts Bluff National Monument in late afternoon soft light today on way home.

Google DARVO if interested on meaning of the term.  Eye opening.... I double dog dare you.