Sunday, January 31, 2016

Fire in the Hole

                 Fire in the Hole

Whatever hole fell in - fire in the hole.
In deepest, darkest place just a flicker of light brings hope to soul.
May believe all alone, that's a lie.
God brings hope though may cry.

In shadows alone must face.
Fear comes in darkest place.
Broken moment, overcome terror and set free.
One glimpse of light, anxiety flees.

No need to wallow.
Wasted years hard to swallow.
One glance of Him, all made right.
God's mercy such a safe delight.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Mud

Mud all around.
Snow melts, soaking the ground.
Once covered white, now found.
Size reduced of the mound.

Warm enough to thaw.
Horses no longer paw.
Need bales of straw.
Between seasons and raw.

Press on with blog.
Mud and bog.
A few more lines.
I'll be fine.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Soft Sky

                        Soft Sky

Light of morning softly caresses mountain peaks,
Snowy summits, mauve colored sky streaks.
Majesty and grandeur loom to the West,
Soul comes alive, calls forth the best.

Lost in the hustle of another work day,
Just obviously on our way.
Can’t see the beauty before our eyes,
Creates incongruence, never slow to ponder why?

One more moment, another breathe,
Stop and engage or just daily death?
Soft sky offers to give,
Invitation to live.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Beholding

               Beholding

What you see is what you get?
Could be worry, could be fret?
Could be joy, could be peace?
What do I see soul's crease?

Holds my attention, fixes my gaze.
Then I run through life's maze.
Fixated on where my focus is.
Blindly going about my 'biz.'

Intentional focus, effort of correction,
Realize where my eyes go sets direction.
Beauty I behold,
Effects whether hot or cold.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Pray

                      Pray

What to do with all that surrounds?
Some as goofy as clowns.
Internal happiness yet to be found.
Others just frown.

Rub shoulders and no one knows.
The struggles and battles grow.
Façade covers as skin tight clothes.
Leaving nothing exposed.

Shutting down in a shell.
Wanting a magic spell.
Only to discover there isn’t an easy way.
Driven to knees to pray.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Weight and Wait

              Weight and Wait

When told to wait,  burden added,
Weight of wait, agitates.
Not told yes, not told no,
Indifference and ambivalence in don't know.

Try to control the weight,
Yet crushes, presses, and resists.
Wait builds muscles,
Patience, empathy, humility all grow.

Suffering under wait,
Wanting delivered from weight.
Being human,
In this life all wrestle with wait.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of a rack of weights.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Transparency

               Transparency

Dynamic to live in reality.
Transparency, allows self to be seen.
Congruent - internal fidelity.
Truth batters, grit abrasively restores sheen.

Repeatedly allow self to be conned.
Permit another to abuse, swindle.
Intentions good, yet allured and fawned.
Keenness of mind lost, cognition dwindles.

Must wake up, forbid mental seduction.
Truth and wholeness requires new deductions.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Coyote Carcass

Coyote carcass on our dirt road.
Cold and lifeless yet pelt looks warm.
Just a few hours ago he strode.
In the ditch he "bought the farm."

Curiosity gets the better of me.
I just caught a glance.
Backup the car so I can see.
Stare for a moment, mesmerized trance.

One less in the pack.
Howl no longer hear.
One less set of tracks.
A howl no longer clear.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Danced

                Danced

Danced like young love.
Danced like well aged love.
Danced like no one was watching.
Danced to our song - Annie's Song.

Danced and changed the atmosphere.
Danced and shared moments with others.
Danced and felt foolish as flow with the rhythm.
Danced and was alive.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image from evening of dancing.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Loose Cannon

                    Loose Cannon

Term "loose cannon" floating in my mind as wake.
A loose cannon on an old warship (sailing ship) could wreck it.
A cannon broke loose, always when in rough seas wreaking havoc.
Hurting or killing the very ones who use it, hindering the ships created purpose.

At times we can be "loose cannons."
Abusive people are "loose cannons."
I can be a "loose cannon" - to myself and others.
Loose cannon in soul, damages and destroys self and relationships with others.

Words, anger, fear, shame, broke free in storms of life - "loose cannons."
People run for their lives away from "loose cannons."
A couragous few must anchor the "loose cannon" back to the deck.
Nimble, wise, seasoned, skilled, patient, disciplined shipmates secure the "loose cannon" and make the ship safe.
"Loose cannon" safe and secure.
Crew safe and secure.
Ship safe and secure.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Maturity

                        Maturity

Resistance, internal core incongruent.
Mismatch, out of sync causing personal soul, mind, body, emotional, spirit dissonance.
Wrestling with alignment and belief.

Words I say matter.
How I treat others matters.
Apologizing matters.
Taking responsibility for what I've said and done matters.

Maturity demonstrated by actions.
Cleaning up mess made matters - humbling.
Admitting and asking for help matters.
Being truthful matters.
Hard, internal work for change.
All takes time, no "magic wand" - facing Truth and work.

Reflected in mirror of others.
DARVO, perpatrator-victim cycles.
Requires more than just forgiveness.
Requires internal work, revisiting suffering and trauma hidden.
Suffering and trauma caused by people - God uses people to bring healing to those broken places.

Maturity chooses to include safe people in process.
Maturity requires dealing with my interpetations and offenses.
Maturity is healthy growth over time - no quick fixes.
Maturity is about how I respond internally - exposes pride, control, fear, shame, abusiveness.

Maturity is saying I apologize for hurting you in ______ ways.
Maturity is saying you didn't deserve the way I acted, behaved, or treated you - specific!
Maturity says this is what I am doing to not do this again - specific.
Maturity says to one I hurt, you are valuable and worth more than how I behaved and words ______(specific) I said.
Maturity, seeing the harm I caused in and to another AND BEING different.
Maturity, asking how did I hurt you? - not making excuses or justifying behavior.
Maturity, a journey can't travel alone.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of Scotts Bluff National Monument in late afternoon soft light today on way home.

Google DARVO if interested on meaning of the term.  Eye opening.... I double dog dare you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Dreams

                   Dreams

When a "bucket list" dream is near,
Years of wrestling and working becomes clear.
Put out there, exposed,
All that's decomposed.

Fertile soil in the until,
On the verge of harvest thrill.
To hold in hand,
On shore of new land.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Letting Go

               Letting Go
Relationships transitioning,
New placement and positioning.
Rearrange what once has been,
Old places revisited and newly seen.
Cycles of life,
Birth and death soul pierced with knife.
Many births and deaths in each season,
Elements beyond control, beyond reason.
Grief waxes and wanes,
Ending and beginnings somber cool rain.
Wanting to know why,
When just need to cry.
About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.
Image is chalk art of heart coming forth from tomb.  Hope in resurrection and new life that Jesus offers, when all things will be made new.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Something New

                     Something New

Explore, try something new path is unclear
Overcome fear, anxieties disappear
As play through the fear
A new story to hear

How often change story
Lose Human glory
To create reason to not try
Exposes internal lies

Stretch and grow
Mind begins to glow
Outcome stretches the mind
New place to be kind

Different format and venue
Tasting new pallet foreign items on menu
Some tastes delightful, other is bland
Soul travels to new land.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Endurance

Enjoyed reading some poetry at Cappuccino and Company in Scottsbluff at open mic night.  Listened to some folk music and country music played by some local musicians.

                      Endurance

Word "Endurance" is endilibly married to Shackleton.
Overcoming all odds, persistent.
A place where training and discipline fill the space.

Endurance a place when hope falters and faith waivers.
Attitudes and beliefs become default.
Outcomes twisted, unclear, and lost - yet continue on.
"Trial by fire," smell of smoke and feel the heat.

Pressure building and building.
Moments when break, meltdown - transformed and remade.
Dieing ember on ash heap sparks internal flame.
This won't be how my story ends.

No longer about circumstances and external visibility.
Body may be broken, yet a fighter is born.
Love does win.
In time or eternity will be made right, no more tears.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Dog Days

          Dog Days
Dogs see me coming.
They are bored.
Making their day.
They've been anxiously waiting.
Led by the Border Collie.
Chow-Husky mix and a German Shepherd follow.
Race out to the road.
Brush the tires, dashing in front.
Waiting for me to gun the Explorer.
I wait 'til they tire.
Then make my break.
Forlorn they turn back to the house.
Boring dog day resumes.
Wishing for kids to play with.
Or a job to do.
About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Small Things

               Small Things
Small things add up over time.
Unseen things, that lead to "instant" success.
Struggles no one else knows.
Battles in the soul, leaves a mark.
Only way forward is in the small daily struggle.
Five minutes here, fifteen there.
Invisible moments where faith and discipline meet.
Hope that as plant seed and discipline of daily tending will bear future harvest.
Silence in the discipline and internal growth.
Lonely place to be explored.
Fear exposed in risking.
Steps of faith.
About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.
Image is of a small flower taken in the Black Hills this Fall.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Ice

                       Ice

Sun is bright yet ground is frozen.
Wind dances the powdery snow across the path.
Persistent and consistent glazing, donut like.
Drifts build up creeping it's way across the path.

Surprised by the first patch of ice.
Grasp for traction.
Plod through small drifts.
Gingerly finding footing.

As day goes on more ice.
Scoop snow and ice still grows.
Sow gravel and sand on path.
Just another winter's day.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is frosty morning at our little ranch, courtesy of Colleen.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Cold Wind

           Cold Wind
Cold wind caresses face.
Body leans, propped and braced.
Cheeks redden as cool burns.
Direction headed reluctant to turn.
Bite of air, trudge along.
Chill requires motivation strong.
Each inhaled breath creates an ache.
Each exhaled breath leaves a foggy wake.
Eyes water in the breeze.
Squinting narrows vision, tears freeze.
Alive and aware in raw place.
No longer numb from routine, welcome grace.
About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.
Image is of Melody, a quarter horse on the ranch in the frigid winter.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Sunday Morning

        Sunday Morning

Quiet Sunday morning.
Brilliant sunrise, day adorning.
Family all still in bed.
A few moments when soul is fed.

Bustle and rush soon begins.
Life awakens and blessed again.
Gifted another day to love.
Joy arises, birthed from above.

Out in the fields or in warmth of our home.
His goodness to us is planted in soul's nurturing loam.
Hope in the new day, opportunities afresh.
Relationships and family engage and mesh.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of early morning sunrise this morning.  Brilliance as take Molly on a walk in the quiet of Sunday morning.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

28 Years

About this post: 
Just the realization today of how long we've actually lived in Nebraska.  How time sneaks up and before we know it another decade has past.  So here's to "The Good Life."

                     28 Years

Away from completing college.
Living in Western Nebraska.
More time here than anyplace else.
Time ever advancing, sneakily.

Career, marriage, and family.
Transitions over time.
From city to country.
Friendships ebb and flow.

Time, life, and energy invested in one place.
Hopes, dreams, and what yet will be.
Past and present woven together with threads of life.
Just as family woven together in living life together.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of Amir, our two year old Arabian colt as snow softly falls.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Desire Versus Expectations

I have been pondering desires versus expectations.  The truth of the space and place between, and what I believe.  How what I experience and believe are interrelated in hopes versus expectations.  Here is the free verse poem:

Space Between Desires and Expectations

Expectations are fantasy outcomes in the mind.
Expectations may be based in familiar and deep wound want healed.
Desires are hopes and longings residing in soul.
Desires are places in soul needing expression.

Expectations project my "garbage" on another.
Expectations are false places based on what believe entitled to.
Desire releases need to control, freedom.
Desire dwells in journey of present moment.

Tension in space between desire and expectation.
Expectations hijack hopes, longings, and desires.
"Manage" expectations is just managing disappoint.
Healthy to live in place of satisfying relationship with desires, hopes, and longings.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of sunrise near Scott's Bluff National Monument taken on way to work this past Fall.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Crack the Shell - Core Exposed

About this post:
Thoughts about 50 year old single phase transformers that are being replaced. The old transformers are being scrapped so it is the first time in 50 years the transformer cores have been exposed to light and free air. The transformer tanks  had to be cut open with a torch to get to the core. In some ways it is similar to things in life that have been hidden and are now exposed. Enjoy the free verse poem.

Crack the Shell - Core Exposed

Those places sealed from moment of creation.
Cut open and exposed.
In darkness for decades.
Now cracked open to the light.

Covered in coldness, steel.
Protective casing cut.
Insulation exposed.
Dielectric covering no more.

Paper insulation once filled with oil.
Dripping free of impregnated insulating oil.
Moisture, once an enemy.
Now allowed to breathe free.

Gallons and gallons of oil.
Oil, light and highly refined removed.
Oil, copper, and steel to the recycler.
Melted down, repurposed, nothing wasted.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of 230/115kV single phase transformer core being exposed.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Molly

About this blog post:
Molly is one of our dogs.  She is three years old, very protective and loyal.  I generally take her for a walk every morning and she is overjoyed to see me walk out the garage door.

Molly - 1/2 Border Collie and 1/2 Pyrenees

Energy and motion.
Thrives in bitter cold.
Protect or herd?
Confused by instincts, loyal.

Big galute.
Loves me and is cute.
Happy to see me.
She knows a walk is coming.

Running free for ten minutes.
In her element, happy.
Joy to watch her,
Just be a dog.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of Molly for the 10 minutes where she can run free on our 30 minute walk.  She is on the haystack exploring.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Broken Words

Before I get to the poem, as I reflect back on the past year I wanted to share a couple of resources that have left an impact on me. 

The first is a book by David Schnarch called Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.  This book isn't for the faint of heart and isn't a quick a read.  The truths in it can lead to transformation though.

The second is a podcast by The Allender Center from February 28, 2015 titled Naming and Reflecting the Beauty of God in Our Stories. I have listened to this multiple times, it just puts things in perspective.

The third is Ransomed Heart Ministries Boot Camp.  I attended one last year and found it to be quite beneficial.

Now for the poem:

   Broken Words - One for All and All for One
When words break,
Relationships change.
What once bound together,
Now cut free.

From long ago,
Words still echo.
Knocking down what tries to stand,
Yet damage done.

Forgiveness comes,
Time doesn't heal.
Pain still there,
Scars revealed.

Hope arises,
New circumstances.
Brings restoration,
refreshing soul.

Internal change,
Navigate in new way.
Letting "it" go,
Ever so slow.

Part I played,
How far we've strayed.
Hard roads walked,
Lessons still learning.

Don't waste the pain,
Allow God to use for gain.
Vulnerable and open,
This is where restoration begins.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of "broken" switch needing reversed engineered in a control scheme.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Silence

             SILENCE

Paradox of silence.

Tension of silence.

Moments when silence rejuvenates.

Moments when silence causes pain.


Silence can be maddening.

Silence can be edifying.

Silence can feed anxiety and fear.

Silence can quiet soul.


Silence can fuel racing thoughts.

Silence can anchor soul to bedrock.

Silence can exasperate loneliness.

Silence can comfort in moments alone.


About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.


Image is of irrigation tubes and dams waiting to be stored for winter, in the silence of fresh snow.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Veiled

There are times in life when things seem veiled.   Where the direction one should go seems hidden and seem so lost.  Moments where relationships seem veiled and even distorted.  There comes a point to lift the veil and everything becomes clear.  A place of vulnerability and risk; where what has been dormant is awakened.

         Veiled
Hidden and veiled.
Barrier between.
Image distorted.
Intimacy aborted.

Raise the veil.
Face to face.
Invasion of space.
Disruption of self in this place.

Look deep in the eyes.
Unhinged by the depths.
Relationship transformed.
In the lifting of the veil.

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Image is of my bride's wedding veil from 27 years ago.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Fragile

Thinking about relationships and those my heart longs for deeper connection and intimacy with, another free verse poem, enjoy:
    
            Fragile
Life is fragile.
Some things are fragile.
Usually they are important.
May even be priceless.

Often think of heirlooms, artwork, precious metals, or gems.
Overlooked are those I love the most.
I don't treat them as valuable, perhaps out of familiarity?
I don't steward them as they deserve - as priceless.

When those I love are broken or hurting,
Have I let them know their worth to me?
Perhaps I have been the one who chipped their fragile pieces.
Own it, "clean up the mess", let them know, be different… change!

About the Author:  Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Raw and Rough

Instead of a "fluffy" post, a free verse poem that is fresh, raw and rough.

                      Raw
Raw like hunk of meat.
Soul exposed on meat hook.
Exposed in open air, life unravelled.
Flavor added in cure time.

Hide ripped off.
Guts spilled out.
Carcass all that remains.
Carved up.

Moments in life when soul raw.
Vulnerable and exposed.
Press through fear pushing to "cut and run."
Allowing time to "cure", for healing.

Interpetations and meanings.
Wrestlings with past and present.
Truth wages war with shame and fear.
Will I choose love; or shame and fear?

What will I believe?
What will I hope for?
Will I allow faith to rise up?
Will I even allow God's interpetation and meaning?

Healing does come.
Usually not in way expected.
Not in time expected.
Part of journey.

God is faithful.
He is good.
In the midst of suffering.
He comes, He sees, He comforts.

About the Author: Brian Bucks lives on a small horse ranch in Western Nebraska and is a husband, father, electrical engineer, and poet.